I've been thinking a lot about it lately. This morning as I lie awake
in the pre-dawn moments before the light begins to shed its glow into
my room, I had a newer realisation about dying.
My Mom is rapidly approaching her 98th birthday and I have become
aware of a change in her being. She is physically well and in a religious
way - spiritually all right, but her spirit of continuing is flagging. Something
is becoming different. And like most offspring, I am probably late in
noticing this apparent change. We see what we want to see only too often.
There is an ebbing of life and involvement in the present and certainly
the future that is quite different.
This is most likely very normal, but it is disarming to this care-giver and
son. The question arises - how do I work with this? And in recognizing this,
how do I find a newer way of being supporting that is different from that
which I am already doing? Letting go and letting just be is very difficult.
We seek to seem always in control, but we are never in control. It is an illusion
that makes it all seem somehow easier,
How much do we look way ahead to our own latter days and moments? And
how will we - if aware - contend with it all? And who will be at hand to
help and guide us through that uncontrollable time?
It is a paradox.....And one I am just beginning to acknowledge and seek
meaning and response.
R
